dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
