I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
