Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
