textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
