That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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