so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
