R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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