I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
