Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
BRING THE BAGELS
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
