someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
