if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize