By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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