my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
