We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
