Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
