I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
