Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
