well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
