Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
its liver damage thursday
Randomize