My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
