about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
