you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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