Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
