Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
