dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
