I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
