Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
