I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
