Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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