We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
