I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You smell like stripper and shame
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
