I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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