the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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