oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
