I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Congratulations! We have a period
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
