We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
dude. I can hear the air.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
