Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
