you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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