I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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