I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
