you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
