you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize