So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
