this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize