my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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