bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
