Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
