Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
so much tequila, so little girl.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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