OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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