I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
