I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
