that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
