So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
