Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
