The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
