i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize