Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize