someone owes me an orgasm
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
