If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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