she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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