If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
