eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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