i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
